My new blog…

I didnt know what I should do…I have had 2 blogs and they were specific to what I was experienceing at the first blog was My IVF Journey @ and this was about our IVF journey well more specifically my frozen embryo transfer journey…I had already had a failed IVF before I started blogging…I decided that I would end that blog when I got pregnant since I didnt want to hurt anyone reading about IVF seeing pictures of my pregnancy..I know it sounds crazy but when I was going thru IVF and the FET I didnt want to read about pregnancy since I didnt know if that would ever be me…it might sound selfish but I was depressed that I couldnt get pregnant…well that leads to the next blog which is our work of A.R.T. @ this blog was journaling about our seemingly easy pregnancy…-it all came crashing down when at 22 weeks we got the worst news parents could ever get…we were going to lose our baby girl that we had so desperately conceived…it was on January 25th that we received that news and we lost our sweet daughter, Olivia Grace, on February 1st.  I miss her everyday and I wish that this was just a nightmare that I could wake up from but sadly its not and I have to live my life knowing that my daughter will never grow up…I will never see her grow up and call me mommy…its soo hard and painful…I thought it was supposed to get easier and some days are better than others…I decided that I needed a new blog and it would be my journal through everything and not specific…it will be about my entire journey…through my loss, life and hopefully another pregnancy…I am in a dark place right now so my posts may be really sad but I hope that as my heart continues to heal the good days will outnumber the bad ones…


My name is Cindy

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Posted in IVF, Pregnancy
5 comments on “My new blog…
  1. JustHeather says:

    *big hugs*
    To new beginnings, but not forgetting ( what has made us who we are).

  2. Amy says:

    What a beautiful name you gave your daughter. I am so sorry that she is not still here with you, but please know that she will never be forgotten. Of course this is a very dark time for you, and there is no need to feel bad about that – please just promise us that if the darkness ever becomes overwhelming, that you will reach out for support, just as you are now. I hope this journey to healing brings you peace.

    • cindysn says:

      I hope writing about it will help me with the grief and coping with my struggles

      • Amy says:

        I do, too, and I really do believe it will. While I have never felt the exact kind of pain that you’re holding now, I have learned that the only way to let go of pain is to really allow yourself to feel it first. I spent way too much time denying that my losses even hurt me, to the point that when I finally gathered the courage to deal with all of it, it was like an avalanche, and it very nearly buried me for some time. You should give yourself lots of credit for being brave enough to write here – it is no small thing, and I think it will help immensely, in time.

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