To The Child In My Heart…

Yesterday my husband picked up the urn…I didnt know how I was going to feel when he brought it home…I kept myself busy so as to not look at it…I felt completely numb…I didnt cry or anything…I didnt know how to feel…have I just accepted the fact that she is gone???  We left it on the mantle but I dont know where we will put it…the urn is a perfect cube just like she was perfect and we inscribed Olivia Grace Ng plus the words Forever and Always…I am in a haze and I dont know where my tears are for my baby…I miss her so much but where are my tears…

For my baby girl…

O precious, tiny, sweet little one, You will always be to me
So perfect, pure, and innocent, Just as you were meant to be.

We dreamed of you and of your life, And all that it would be
We waited and longed for you to come And join our family.

We never had the chance to play, To laugh, to rock, to wiggle.
We long to hold you, touch you now and listen to you giggle.

I’ll always be your mother. He’ll always be your dad.
You will always be our child, The child that we had.

But now you’re gone…but yet you’re here. We’ll sense you everywhere.
You are our sorrow and our joy There’s love in every tear.

Just know our love goes deep and strong. We’ll forget you never –
The child we had, but never had,
And yet will have forever.


My name is Cindy

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Posted in Loss
11 comments on “To The Child In My Heart…
  1. Froward Words says:

    I wish there was a “Hug” button instead of a “Like” button. I’m sorry. I’ve had a few rough days lately, too. I just started taking my Ativan again, but I’m hoping I’ll be able to function without them tomorrow. We weren’t given the option of my daughter’s ashes, but I do have her footprints. There was a time when I would put my thumbprint over her footprint every day before I went to work, almost like my own little ritual. I still do it when I want to remember her or feel close to her, or even just remind myself that I WAS indeed pregnant.

    Thinking of you. 🙂

  2. Colleen says:

    That poem was beautiful. The day we picked up our daughter’s ashes was really rough. Picking out the urn was terrible too. I remember standing in the room filled with urns thinking I was supposed to be picking out a crib instead.

  3. Brianna says:

    This is an absolutely beautiful poem. I remember the day we picked up our twins ashes. The funeral home called to say they were ready. Rather than go together, my husband wanted me to get them on my way home from work, which I did. We placed the urn on the mantle, where it has remained ever since.

  4. I’m so sorry. Sometimes you run out of tears. It’s temporary.

  5. Colleen says:

    That poem is beautiful. The tears are sneaky, some days they will leave you be, and other days something fleeting will remind you of her and they will just start to pour out of you. That’s how it seems to work with me anyway. Her urn sounds lovely. I remember standing in that room, trying to choose one for our Addi, and thinking I should be picking out a crib for her to sleep in, not a container for her ashes. It was pure agony. *hugs

  6. Brittany says:

    I’m sorry – grief and reaction aren’t very clear. I felt the same way when we got Nathan’s ashes – I thought I would be crying, but I just felt numb. A few days later it hit me. It’s rough.

  7. Colleen says:

    Sorry for the repeat comments…I thought the first one didn’t work because of some internet issues I was having. That or I’m losing my mind, lol

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