Living with the grief…

I was reading a blog about loss and it got me to thinking about living with the grief…A month ago I was crying all the time because the loss was just so recent…I miss my baby girl every single day but I do cry a lot less…does that mean I am slowly healing or forgetting??? I never ever want to forget her because no matter what she will be my first daughter and the imprint that she left on our lives will be forever there but I am slowly trying to heal or at least assimilate to my new normal. Grief is just so damn hard…I have read that there are 5 stages to grief:

  • Denial, disbelief, numbness
  • Anger, blaming others
  • Bargaining
  • Depressed mood, sadness, and crying
  • Acceptance, coming to terms

Have I come to the acceptance part already??? I now have come to realize that acceptance doesnt mean that I am ok…I have accepted that my daughter is gone and there is nothing I anyone can do to bring her back…I have accepted the reality and I am learning to live with it…that is my new normal…I dont like this new normal and I wish that this was all just a horrible nightmare that I can wake up from but I know its not…I am no longer pregnant and we will not welcome our daughter into the world in a couple of months…I have to live in a world where I will not be the mother to Olivia Grace…my life has been forever changed and I need to accept my past so that my future will be better…I have accepted that there will be good days and bad ones and all I can hope is that one day the good days will outnumber the bad ones…I have accepted that there is nothing that will ever replace the love I have for her but I know that our loss will not be in vain… I know that it will take time and the pain I feel will come and go but my love for her will never go away…

 

 

 

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My name is Cindy

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Posted in Loss
6 comments on “Living with the grief…
  1. Froward Words says:

    I think that the cycle comes and goes. One day you can be at the denial stage, and the next you can be at acceptance, and then go back to anger. I feel like I’m living in one giant conglomeration of all right now.

  2. […] commenting on a post about grief this morning, I came to a realization that is almost comforting with its […]

  3. I don’t know. I have wondered the same things myself.

  4. Brittany says:

    I definitely go back and forth through all of them at the moment. At first I felt like I had some space between the stages and would be in one place for a few days or so. Now, I feel like each day is totally different. It’s a crazy process.

  5. Anna says:

    They say that you cycle through all the different stages, not necessarily in order, some all at the same time and you can go back and repeat any of them even when you think you’re done with them. Grief is a process and it sounds like you’re working through it and healing.

  6. Melanie says:

    I’ve been cycling through all of the stages for 8 years but the intense grief is eased with time. Having other children has helped greatly although I hated people for suggesting this when the grief was so raw because I didn’t want him replaced or forgotten, or my pain minimized but it definitely eases the “sharpness” of the pain and grief to have another child. Thinking of you and and following your posts always.

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