Didn’t I win the battle???

Who would have thought that getting pregnant would not mean we would get to take home a baby???  I thought I had overcome the struggles of actually getting pregnant since we suffered with infertility for yrs…I thought I had found my happy ending since I had won the battle and was able to finally conceive…wasnt that the hardest part…who knew that carrying our baby was going to be another battle…I wish there was a test like for IF…to make sure that I would be able to carry a baby to full term or at least near it…sadly there is no such test…IC comes on hard and strong…I already looked at being able to get pregnant as a miracle but I thought carrying the baby was going to be the easy part…why is this just so damn hard???  Why do I have to struggle every step of the way to be able to have a baby???  It makes me question if in the stars it was meant to be…I just really hope that the next time I get pregnant I stay pregnant…I really do not want much in life…just a healthy baby… I have hope that dream will come true for us…


My name is Cindy

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Posted in Loss, Pregnancy
6 comments on “Didn’t I win the battle???
  1. Brianna says:

    I hope that for you, too. I had the same types of thoughts after Oscar and Bella died. Hadn’t I been through enough (diabetes, infertility treatments, selective reduction)? Didn’t I DESERVE to bring a living baby home? Then, when we did get pregnant again, one of our twins died at 9w gestation…again, hadn’t we been through enough? Things were going well, but then I had pre-term contraction, was on magnesium sulfate and on bedrest for about 6 weeks before our rainbow was born. I don’t know why some people have to work so hard just to do what is supposed to be “natural”. It sucks for us unnatural people because we begin to doubt ourselves, our choices and our dreams. Hugs to you.

  2. cindysn says:

    It really sucks…I guess we hit the fertility jackpot

  3. Kate says:

    I wish none of us had to go through anything like this. I still get upset when I hear of drug users and low lifes popping out kids left and right. Why is it so easy for them and not us? I don’t think the stars are against you. You are doing everything possible to ensure your next baby iscactake-home baby. You will succeed!

    • cindysn says:

      I always think that why do the crack addicts and teenagers get knocked up without effort but the women who would do anything for a kid cant sometimes…makes me sick!!!

  4. marwil says:

    I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your sweet girl. It’s so unfair that when finally, after so much struggle already to have that dream taken away so brutaly. I was where you are a year ago, after losing our son in February of 2012. It’s still really hard, and I don’t think the pain will ever go away, although it isn’t as acute anymore.

    I wish you the best of luck with your upcomig surgery, hope that will be the beginning of a new chance, new hope.

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