So I was generally in a good mood for the past couple of weeks and it took a turn for the worse the last couple of days. Two nights ago I just went to a flashback of the day we found out I had IC as I was reading the happiness project in bed, go figure. I started to tear up a bit. Yesterday was a complete melt down.
First it started by me seeing a girl on the forum who is due the same day I was. She is happily pregnant at 33 weeks and damn it I want to be her right now. It really sucks and I wish I was still pregnant with Olivia!!!
On Tuesday in therapy I brought up that I had not spoken to a friend since we lost Olivia and I was pretty much ready to emotionally cut them off. I was made aware that that is not the healthiest thing to do in relationships and she recommended that I send her an email and ask what was going on. I took her advice and sent the email and her response was she was “giving us space” plus she was “busy on weekends”. I get the space part but the busy is pure and utter BULLSHIT!!! It takes 2 seconds to send a text or email to someone just to say hello and ask how they are doing. I sent her this email back:
I am really hurt that you would say you were busy. I know I shouldn’t expect you to reach out and just see how I am doing in a text or email but I thought as a friend you would do that. I get that you would think we would need space and we did since we had lost our daughter but I am just sad that you would not even make the attempt to make contact in close to 2 months. I know in the past I had always initiated plans but I am just hurt that you didn’t want to know we were doing.
So lets see how she responds. My therapist says that many people do not know how to deal with death so they tend to shy away from it and those associated but for me a friend should be there no matter what. I am that type of friend who would do anything for you but I guess I expect too much from people and I have to learn to stop doing that.
I was also upset that I texted my hubby that I was having a shitty day and he didnt respond so we got into it when he got home cause he snapped at me. He gets really pissy when he is sick and likes to snap at me which is piss poor timing since I was already feeling really down. He has been sick for the past 5 days so I feel alone and it just all happened at one time. I started crying in the shower and he got up from sleeping to be with me which I appreciated.
Today is a better day but I miss my Olivia!!!