Do you look at your life as before & after a specific event? I think I am doing that now before we lost Olivia I was a bit more carefree. Yes infertility really causes you to question your life but once we overcame that with ivf I thought the battle was over. Sadly I was wrong to think that. Before we lost Olivia I looked at the world and all its beauty but now all I see is the suffering. Losing Olivia has really made me realize how truly unfair life can be. I know that there are def people out there in a worse situation that we are in but it really sucks right now to be in my world. My world is filled with a lot of anger, sadness and pain. If my Olivia was still here my world will not be the same. I would be happy. I am not happy right now and with Mother’s Day and my due date coming up its going to be a rough month. Before we lost Olivia I looked forward to being able to celebrate Mother’s Day but now I dread it like the plague. After we lost Olivia I have become a different person and I dont know if I like the person I have become. I dont want to be around certain people and dont get me started on if you are pregnant or have children. After we lost Olivia I am more scared than ever that we may never have children. I can say I am more scared than I have ever been in my entire life. I hate feeling like this but I guess I have to live my life as best as I can now that Olivia will never be in it.