Am I not a mother?

Am I not a mother
On this Mother’s Day?
I had a baby, but she’s gone.
Death took her away.

Hopes and dreams have vanished
a happy time turned cold.
My motherhood-where is it now?
Gone? Or put on hold?

Am I not a mother
even though my child died?
Does anyone know my heartbreak
or the anguish felt inside?

Special gifts and flowers
but who’ll remember me?
As I stand and shed some tears
at your graveside where I’ll be.

Mother’s Day-so painful
but I will make it through.
Yes, I am a mother!
but God takes care of you.


My name is Cindy

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Posted in Loss
8 comments on “Am I not a mother?
  1. Melanie says:

    I just posted this on your other post but I HAD to put it again on this one!!!
    Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who are celebrating the day empty handed due to a loss or because your child has yet to make it to your arms. You are just as much a mother as the woman who has 12 kids tagging along after her. You are a mother in your heart, you go through the pain of treatments and negatives, but you are already a mother putting forth more as a mother to bring your children here, than so many others. Babyloss moms, you have endured the most tragic and important job a mother could ever do for her child. Sending them off from this life with love and honor and respect. Being strong and keeping their memory alive. Doing this while grieving and heartbroken in a society who minimizes the greatest effort a mother could possibly do…. letting go. It’s a shame that Mother’s Day is the way it is, alienating and separating women, rewarding some, degrading and ignoring others due to things they have no control over. If anything, Mother’s Day should lift up those who are Mother’s in their heart but not in their hands because ultimately, the mother’s getting all the praise and fluff HAVE their greatest gift already, their children. And now that I have experienced Mother’s Days as an infertile, a baby loss momma, and as a mother of living children, I can say that the difficulties of raising children-the exhaustion, the sacrifices, the worry, etc. is NOTHING compared to the lifelong grief I carry for the child who cannot be with me. Happy Mother’s Day to you all. XOXO

  2. catwoman73 says:

    Hugs Cindy… thinking of you today.

  3. 88ange88 says:

    Just Because

    Just Because time has passed
    doesn’t mean that all is fine.
    My sadness, and my grief
    Hasn’t diminished with time.

    Just Because I am smiling
    doesn’t mean that I’m not down.
    I cry for my little baby
    when no one is around.

    You ask me how I’m feeling,
    but do you really want to know?
    The moment I try telling you
    You say you have to go

    How can I tell you,
    what it’s been like for me
    I am haunted, I am broken
    By things that you don’t see

    You ask me how I’m holding up,
    but do you really care?
    The second I try to speak my heart;
    You start squirming in your chair.

    Everyone avoids me now,
    because they don’t know what to say
    They tell me I’ll be there for you,
    then turn and walk away.

    Call me if you need me,
    that’s what everybody said,
    But how can I call you and scream
    into the phone,
    My God, my child is dead?

    No one will let me
    say the words that I need to say
    Why does a mother’s grief
    scare everyone away?

    I am tired of pretending
    as my heart pounds in my chest,
    I say things to make you comfortable,
    but my soul finds no rest.

    How can I tell you things
    that are too sad to be told,
    of the helplessness of holding a child
    who in your arms grows cold?

    You cannot imagine
    what it was like for me that day
    to place a final kiss upon that cheek,
    and have to turn and walk away.

    If you really love me,
    and I believe you do,
    if you really want to help me,
    here is what I need from you.

    Sit down beside me,
    reach out and take my hand,
    Say “My friend, I’ve come to listen,
    I want to understand.”

    Just hold my hand and listen
    that’s all you need to do,
    And if by chance I shed a tear,
    it’s all right if you do to.

    I swear that I’ll remember
    till the day I’m very old,
    the friend who sat and held my hand
    and let me bare my soul.


    I wanted to share this with you….

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