Life sucks!!!

So the next week or so is going to be rough!!!  I cannot believe I am not pregnant.  I should be almost 40 weeks now or have a baby in my arms.  I should be holding my daughter in my belly or arms on my 32nd bday but I am just grieving her loss.  I sometimes think I am being punished by some higher power.  Thats the only reason I can think that so many bad things have happened in my life.  There is only so much a human being can take before they crack.  My therapist said I should journal about my childhood and all the experiences I have had so that I can heal from them.  I dont want to relive what I have endured.  My life is worse than a Hallmark movie and nobody would believe it.  All I can say is that life sucks!!!  I know that there are a lot of people out there in worse circumstances but to lose your baby is something unimaginable. I am trying my best to work out my issues as best as I can.  I know that it will take a lot of effort on my part to try and heal but I need to do that.  I cannot live with all my pain and sorrow.  It cannot be healthy and I want to be in the best frame of mind when we have our rainbow baby.


My name is Cindy

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Posted in Loss
14 comments on “Life sucks!!!
  1. Kate says:

    I dot know your past, but I agree with your therapist. I know you like quotes, so he is one from a Tori Amos song that always spoke to me when having to deal with processing bad experiences. “My only way out is to go so far in.” Anothet that still helps me in every bad/uncomfortable/sad situation is Steve Miller Band’s “You know you’ve got to go through hell before you get to Heaven.” Lots of hugs.

  2. newtoivf says:

    big hugs xxx so sorry you’re in such a painful place x

  3. Egg Timer says:

    Hello from ICLW, I find this blog to be such a common theme running through our community. The idea that of being punished for something by someone. I think the universe is cruel and random. Your beautiful daughter wasn’t taken from you because you deserved punishment… this horrible thing happened because horrible things happen and there is nothing you did that caused it. My own pregnancy loss came much earlier than yours did and we never even knew if it was a boy or a girl. i can’ imagine your pain to make it so much further along, but I do know it wasn’t your fault.

  4. Ana H says:

    I am sorry that you are dealing with this pain. Life can really suck. I don’t think you are being punished but sometimes shit really happens and, sadly, it isn’t always handed out evenly. After the darkness comes dawn and I hope your new day is just around the corner. Hugs.

  5. Melia Bowen says:

    I’m visiting here from ICLW and I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. It’s a terrible terrible thing to go through. I hope that the future holds a bright baby bundle for you.

  6. catwoman73 says:

    Cindy- Sometimes you do have to wade through a river of shit to come out clean on the other side…. dealing with issues from the past is so important to being healthy in the future. Hugs… it’s not easy.

    I like how you said “WHEN we have our rainbow baby.” You haven’t lost hope- so it could be a little bit worse. Hang in there…

  7. Stasy says:

    You are NOT being punished. What has happened to you sucks. There are no other words for it, but you are not being punished for the decisions you may or may not have made in your life. You and your daughter got the raw end of the deal, no doubt, but unfortunately, you are just one of the unlucky ones. HUGS!

  8. It sucks. I’m sorry. Sometimes it’s hard to believe just how much a person has to endure. Whatever it is that’s happened in your life, I believe you.

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