So the next week or so is going to be rough!!! I cannot believe I am not pregnant. I should be almost 40 weeks now or have a baby in my arms. I should be holding my daughter in my belly or arms on my 32nd bday but I am just grieving her loss. I sometimes think I am being punished by some higher power. Thats the only reason I can think that so many bad things have happened in my life. There is only so much a human being can take before they crack. My therapist said I should journal about my childhood and all the experiences I have had so that I can heal from them. I dont want to relive what I have endured. My life is worse than a Hallmark movie and nobody would believe it. All I can say is that life sucks!!! I know that there are a lot of people out there in worse circumstances but to lose your baby is something unimaginable. I am trying my best to work out my issues as best as I can. I know that it will take a lot of effort on my part to try and heal but I need to do that. I cannot live with all my pain and sorrow. It cannot be healthy and I want to be in the best frame of mind when we have our rainbow baby.