How do you deal with a friend’s pregnancy after your loss?

So I just found out that a good friend of mine is pregnant with her first child.  I found out via facebook which got me super angry and I started to cry.  I saw on my hubby’s phone that he texted him to share the news.  I then got super angry at my hubby for not telling me.  He said he didnt know how to tell me and wanted to wait for the right time.  I told him there would not be a right time…after you lose your baby and you find out someone else will have that joy that you will not have there will NEVER be a right time.  I told him it hurt my feelings that I had to find out on facebook and not from him.  I am just so angry that they didnt tell me but I guess they wanted to avoid telling for fear that I would have a meltdown.  Why can’t people know how to deal with others that have had a loss?  Is it that difficult???  I dont think I can handle being around her pregnant and happy.  I am just a miserable person right now and super jealous that she will probably have an uneventful pregnancy and take her baby home.  She is probably going to have a girl and not have any issues.  I know I should be happy for them but I am just so sad for myself that it just overcomes any joy that I can feel for others, is that normal?  I am def going to have to talk about this in therapy.  I guess I am also angry that my EDD is tomorrow and I should be having my daughter but that was not meant to be…

My feelings:

  1. Irritated
  2. Sad
  3. Angry
  4. Miserable
  5. Jealous
  6. Grief
  7. Loneliness
  8. Despair
  9. Scared
  10. Numb

My name is Cindy

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Posted in Loss
9 comments on “How do you deal with a friend’s pregnancy after your loss?
  1. catwoman73 says:

    Oh Cindy- I’m sorry. There’s nothing much I can say to make this better- I know that all too well from my own experiences. It just sucks. Be careful with the ‘shoulds’- you are absolutely within your rights NOT to feel happy for them right now. Jealously, anger and sadness are perfectly acceptable reactions. You will get through this. Hugs to you…

  2. JustHeather says:

    *big hugs* Cindy! I’m crying after reading your post. I know exactly how that feels!! (Well, not the loss part, sorry, but others being pregnant and not knowing how to tell you or act around you.) Your feelings are so totally normal, which sucks even more in my opinion.

  3. Ana H says:

    Oh Cindy, it is so hard. It is perfectly normal to feel wide range emotions when dealing with loss and infertility. I am so sorry that your road is such a difficult one and that have to face your due date tomorrow. I hope the day passess as painlessly as possible.

  4. Stasy says:

    All I can tell you is that what you’re feeling is normal, especially considering how and the timing of when you found out. It’s okay to not be happy for them right now. You will at some point. It’s okay to be hurt and angry right now. It’s okay to even be bitter and jealous. We all know that you wish them the best, healthiest pregnancy, but it’s not fair that you had to say goodbye to Olivia much too soon.

    Being a loss mom is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I’m sure you feel the same. Hang in there. Like I said, at some point, some happiness for them will come through the sadness you feel for yourself. Until then, feel what you feel. Talk it out in therapy. Write it out here.

    Huge, huge HUGS!

  5. Just know, those are your feelings and its ok to feel the way you do! Hugs.

  6. newtoivf says:

    big hugs, it is so hard xx

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