Today is my due date…

and I should not be at work!!!  I should be delivering my daughter and holding her in my arms completely in love.  I should be a mother to a living and breathing little girl.  I should not be crying and wondering why me.  I should be the happiest person on earth.  I should be loving my life.  I should be worrying about being able to breastfeed.  I should be thinking about how much my husband loves his daughter.  I should be doing all of these things but sadly I am not able to do that.  I am crying that I cannot hold her.  I am missing her everyday.  I am blaming myself for what happened.  I am ashamed that I was scared to have a daughter.  I am sad.  I am lonely.  I am afraid.  I am hurt.  I am depressed.  I am completely and utterly heart broken.  I am all of these things that I wish I was not.

I miss you Olivia Grace with all my heart and soul!!! 

Mommy will always love you!!!

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About

My name is Cindy

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Posted in Loss
14 comments on “Today is my due date…
  1. catwoman73 says:

    Due dates are so HARD. It stinks that you have to be at work feeling the way you do. I hope you’re able to take a bit of time today to cry, to feel awful, and to honor the memory of your daughter. Abiding with you during this difficult time…

  2. Brianna says:

    Cindy, I am so sorry. I’m sorry that you don’t have your Olivia with you, and that you have to be at work on this extremely hard day. Wishing you some peace today.

  3. My due date was hard, but I tried to celebrate it. Big hug, my friend!

  4. JustHeather says:

    I’m so very sorry, Cindy. My thoughts are with you.

  5. Ana H says:

    I am very sorry Cindy. It hurts so much. My first due date was two days ago. It’s tough. My heart goes out to you.

  6. MrsDjRass says:

    I wish I had more to offer you than hugs. You are a very strong lady and very brave for sharing these feelings. <<<>>>

  7. I’m so sorry. I don’t have any other words, but my thoughts are with you.

  8. Stasy says:

    I know I’m a couple of days late, but big HUGS!

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