Sharing pregnancy news after a loss…

So I am in a bit of a dilemma. Today I am 12 weeks pregnant and normally women share that they are pregnant around this time since they are just about out of the first trimester so they feel “safe”.  We lost Olivia at 23 weeks and my close friend lost her daughter at 40 weeks so I dont know if I will ever feel safe.  My hubby does not want to tell anyone until I cant hide it anymore.  My therapist says that he is trying to protect himself.  My concern is that for me to feel more connected to this pregnancy I cant hide it and thats how I am feeling.  I want to be super happy and share the good news since its great news but I am also weary that good news can turn to bad news in an instant.  I am not trying to announce it to the world but to very close family and friends who would be there to support us if something tragic did happen.  I hate living in a paranoid and anxiety filled world.  I want to have an as normal pregnancy as I can given the situation.  Its so hard to find a happy balance but I am really trying to find comfort in my uncomfortableness.

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My name is Cindy

Posted in Loss, Pregnancy
8 comments on “Sharing pregnancy news after a loss…
  1. I totally hear you and am sure I’ll have the same problem when the time comes… Those of us who have had late losses now know that there really is no such thing as a “safe” time to announce your pregnancy. I say that if you’re feeling like you want to tell a few people, then tell them. Telling people will not make anything bad happen. I understand Hubby’s reluctance but you each have to do what feels right. If he doesn’t want to tell people he knows he doesn’t have to but you can tell some people without sharing it with the world if you want. Most people will tell someone anyway so be prepared for the news to leak out. I would maybe ask them to please keep it to themselves since you’re not ready for everyone to know especially after your loss. That might help keep the news under wraps.

    Congrats on being 12 weeks today! It’s another major milestone in this journey. I hope you find that balance and have more joy than anxiety for the next 28 weeks.

  2. chickenboo42 says:

    I felt the same exact way this time around…It was all just so weird, making the announcement. I wanted to be happy and excited and everything else that everyone else gets to be if they haven’t lost their baby. But I felt like, in a way, why should I announce it? That only makes it more real and frankly, I made it to 39 weeks last time and still didn’t get to bring my baby home.

    But the more I thought about it, your therapist is right. Hiding isn’t going to help anything. And frankly, IF something happens, you will need that support.

    So I’m all for telling at least close friends and family as soon as you can. Their support will be invaluable to you, either way. And knowing that you don’t have to hide it will make YOU feel better! Plus…well, I couldn’t hide it for very long–physically. I was popping at 12 weeks this time around. Now everyone thinks I’m like, 7-8 months and I’m like…people–I have to make it to DECEMBER!

  3. Stasy says:

    I’ve been there and it’s so hard. I think we finally announced to our friends when I was around 18 weeks and couldn’t hide it anymore. Before that, the only ones who knew were our parents and siblings.

    Do it when it feels right for you both. Sit down and try to explain to your husband (if you haven’t already) that you want to be able to be happy and having other cheerleaders will help.

    HUGS!

  4. I agree that there really is no safe time to tell. Unfortunately, as you sadly know, pregnancy is not a guarantee that we get a take home baby. BUT, we might as well celebrate the miracle growing inside! And people sharing the joy with us makes it feel so much more real. 🙂

  5. kastreet says:

    Oh so hard. I still haven’t told anyone but very close family. Hugs

  6. glennamm says:

    From personal experience and just my opinion you need to celebrate and be happy about it. Take it day by day. If you don’t feed into that excitement and happiness you might regret it no matter the outcome. Be excited that you are pregnant today. Don’t worry about tomorrow, Just say to yourself I am pregnant today!

  7. emma says:

    Hi from PAIL! I can relate to this, as I felt like your husband did when I was pregnant with my son. It’s hard to be excited when the rose colored glasses of pregnancy have been taken away. We told our family at 10 weeks, but only because we were going out of the country on vacation. If I’d had it my way we’d have waited until after 12 weeks. We told close friends after 12 weeks. I think I told my co-workers who weren’t my bosses at 16 weeks. Facebook didn’t know until I was in my 3rd trimester and I almost didn’t bother with that one; I was somewhat pressured into it by my in-laws.

    Sometimes the excitement from others can spark more excitement in you. You won’t relax until you hold your baby and are told it’s okay, but sometimes that excitement rubs off on you and can ease your fears a bit.

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