My Schizophrenic Mother…

This article came up on my fb newsfeed this morning and it got me to thinking about my mother.  She has a mental illness specifically schizophrenia.  She dealt with her illness for most of my early childhood pretty well I gather since I do not remember any major issues. My older half sister recollects something different but for me she was a normal mother the first 8 yrs of my life.  After my parents divorced is when things started to go badly.  She did well for a couple of years and I imagine she was taking her meds but then all of a sudden it went really horrible. She started to hear voices and would insist on covering all the windows with drapes or tin foil to stop “them” from listening to her thoughts.  She wore tin on her body for the same thing.  She became an extreme hoarder and refused to do much for herself or me.  We would go on wild goose chases because of this need to find something or someone.  I have blocked out a lot of the other things that happened but I can say that I am a normal adjusted person in spite of my upbringing.  I try and remember the good part of my childhood only since the rest of it sucked.

People will ask about my mother but since I have not spoken to her 20 yrs I basically say that we just dont talk and most people dont question that.  I have no idea if she is even alive but honestly I do not care.  I know it may seem harsh since she is my “mother” but she had a choice.  She could have taken her meds and been a part of my life however she choose to let the disease ruin her life.  There are many people with mental illness that deal and manage with it but she decided not to.

I sometimes think about the likelihood of me getting the disease but then I know myself and I would refuse to let it ruin my life.  I value my family and friends too much for that to happen.

I am not my mother and I refuse to make the same mistakes she made.

Growing up with the past that I had will not dictate the future I hope to have!!!



My name is Cindy

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Posted in Motherhood, Uncategorized

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