Scary Mommy – My Baby Was Born Healthy, But I Still Lost Something

So I saw this article on Scary Mommy and was really perturbed by it.  I thought to myself do people really grieve about a birth plan not going as planned???  I guess as a mother who has suffered a loss of a child I could not see grieving over such a trivial thing because in the end she had a healthy baby which in my opinion is the most important thing.

Pregnancy with all its uncertainties requires an open mind to everything and anything that could go wrong.  There are many women who have issues like high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, growth restrictions and many more that would necessitate extreme measures to ensure a healthy mother and child.  I told my OB that I would do anything possible to make sure that I had a healthy pregnancy and I got my TAC for that very reason.

I guess to me everyone has their own feelings but some of those feelings should not be expressed given the possible audience experiences.

What are your thoughts???



My name is Cindy

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Posted in Motherhood, Pregnancy, Uncategorized
4 comments on “Scary Mommy – My Baby Was Born Healthy, But I Still Lost Something
  1. You know, I have sympathy for a woman when her *birth plan* goes wildly differently that she expects. Especially a woman who has been through infertility and losses and has just this 1 opportunity to give birth the way she always imagined. I don’t want to negate this woman’s feelings, but from what I’m reading, she wanted a natural birth and she had a natural birth. Just in a different location. I feel that she is entitled to her feelings but refusing to be grateful for the health of her baby and herself and the fact that she avoided a major abdominal surgery, just because she wants to still mourn (4 years later!) about having birth in a bed versus a pool, at a hospital versus home doesn’t sit well with me. Especially because essentially nothing went wrong and her baby lived and was healthy. Again, not saying she doesn’t have a right to feel that way but… yeah… this might not be a great story to share with a mixed audience, some of whom didn’t get to take their baby home. And also, it’s all part of the journey. It can be a special part of her baby’s birth story, or she can make more out of it than is warranted and erase what could be special memories. That’s just my thoughts on the subject…

  2. nonsequiturchica says:

    I think that you can either hold onto these things forever or you can look at the big picture. I’m a big picture kind of gal. I wanted a natural childbirth but after surgery to remove fibroids & endo, I had three doctors tell me that I had to have a c-section because my uterus could rupture during contractions. Would I like to have skipped the major surgery? Of course. But I quickly realized that whether my baby came out via natural birth, vaginal birth with all the drugs in the world, or a c-section, all I wanted was a healthy baby and for me to be around to parent that baby.

  3. oc15 says:

    I agree with both responses before mine. Thank you ladies for the brain power and articulation to put it into words haha. The only thing I can say to kind of relate to (but really on a totally different spectrum) is I was very sad, and I guess mourned, the fact that no one that loved her was truly present for her birth. After being induced and having two epidurals and a spinal block fail I had to be put to sleep to have my c-section. I didn’t hear her first cries and felt like she was alone when she entered the world. I didn’t care that a c-section was how I had to have my baby, only that my baby was “alone” when she entered the world.

  4. DitchTheBun says:

    Went and read this article. It was very interesting. I very much go by the belief of ‘different strokes for different folks’ here. I understand that she wanted her birth at home without drugs and that could have been very disappointing for her. I was a little surprised that this was still such a massive source of grief for her 4 years on, I think that might have been because she was relying on this birth plan for so much, “He was supposed to come out easily and heal me from the trauma of my previous labor and dystocia”. Relying on your birth plan not changing at all (particularly when you have had a difficult labour in the past) I think was a bit misguided and probably why she is so grieved about her plans going awry.
    From the point of view of someone who has been trying to have a child for over 4 years I struggled a little bit with her point of view because at this point I would give birth dancing the can can on the lip of an active volcano if it meant I had a healthy child at the end of it.

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